The nurse was cleaning my table when she opened the drawer full of bitter memories and broken dreams. She came across the tiny box which I haven't opened since I kept it locked inside the antique cupboard. The box was golden and engraved with the names of lovers who never made it. Unwanted tears started to fill my wrinkly and nearly sightless eyes. She unlocked the little treasure chest, saw unrecognizable documents, stained fabric, wrecked shaft and her eyes widened when she saw the silver ring I jailed inside my memory. She took a hold of my little jewel and surprised when she found it broken...
"That ring was supposed to be a gift for the woman I love most.. That ring is for my wife.." I uttered as I try hard to reach the ring from her fingers. She helped me sit and gave me the ring. I held the ring and all of the ruthless memories started coming back to me. I wanted to scream when all of the bitterness, pain and lost came crawling into my brain, but no, I can't anymore, because I'm too old, I'm too old to reminisce these kinds of things, but I can't help it, I'm still deeply in-love.
I looked at her eyes and saw the questions ‘how' and ‘why.' I wiped my droplets of sorrow away and I grasped the ring firmly with my shaky hand. I asked her to bring me the picture placed in the cupboard and she did. I told her how beautiful my wife was and how she managed to smile back at me while I hurt her benevolence.
I wasn't a real student back then when I entered college, I'm one of those students who don't mind low grades and bad attitude at all. Girls, beer, cars, friends and football were my life until I met my wife.
Julia is sweet, smart and beautiful, more than any guy could wish for, she's everything I guess. I first saw her in the roof top of our school, she was doing Mathematics that time, I think. She saw me and smiled at me which I didn't know why but I know my heart softened when she did that. I went down to the corridor and took a look on my locker. I saw a pink scented note and my name was written on it. It was a love letter from someone who goes by the name of "Paper Rose." I thought it was a hoax made by the guys so I didn't even bother reading it and ripped it apart.
The next day, I went to the roof top again to have a nap and escape the pressures of football. Again, I saw Julia, doing her usual stuff, she smiled, packed her things and went downstairs. The roof top was all mine I thought as I lie down on the bench. After that comfortable slumber, I went to my locker and saw another piece of love letter in my locker. I shook my head and crumpled it into a paper ball and threw it in the bin.
My life remained like this until I had enough of the foolish love letters. I know I'm not a brainy one and I'm not as handsome as Brad Pitt either. Everything's a joke, made up and insane. I tore the paper in my hand and cursed it until I heard a grief-stricken weep behind me. I turned around to see who it was and to my surprise it was Julia, crying her heart out, looking at me. She was holding a pink note and her tears started to creep beneath the cherry-coloured message and finally I saw the hieroglyphic "Paper Rose."
She grabbed the tattered pieces from my hands and asked, "Where did you put the others?" In my naïve psyche, I pointed to the thrash can and shocked, I saw Julia digging the waste bin. I left her crying. For the first time, I took her for granted. I didn't see Julia after that incident.
My life was normal until I met Kirsten. Kirsten took care of my heart, I fell in-love with her, more than in-love. She made the best girlfriend. Any man would want my Kirsten who is the captain of the cheering squad, blonde and perky. I wrote her countless of love letters everyday and sing her songs every night. She'd give me anything if I asked her to - but that's what I thought... Kirsten left me for my best friend - the captain of the football team. It broke my heart to see them happily making love on the back of my truck while I was getting drinks for us. I cursed myself wondering how stupid I was, I ran as fast as I could until I saw the empty park. I sat there on the bench crying vulnerably, wishing I was dead.
Hours have passed and I'm still shedding tears to my first and lost love until someone held out a white handkerchief. I looked up to see who it was, the moon was shining brightly on her, I squinted, to my surprise, it was Julia. It's the first time I saw her again after that incident between us in the campus. She was offering the white handkerchief to me but I hit her hand which made her drop it. "I don't need your sympathy, get lost!" I screamed at her after I stepped on her pale handkerchief, she cried and took the material with her. Just like I did, she ran away crying all her mind out.
After my graduation, I didn't look for a job, my dad was mad at me as hell. He threw me out of the house and it was rainy that time, I was empty handed in the streets of cold wet New Jersey. I didn't have a place to stay for the night, I didn't have food, I didn't even have a single penny that time. I was losing it, I was drowsy and tired. I looked up and asked God where I have gone wrong.
"You didn't do anything wrong." A sweet voice murmured, a woman gazed down at me as she held her umbrella up high. "Here, you're gonna get cold if you don't take care of yourself." Her voice was so familiar but I couldn't remember. She gave me her umbrella and her scarf. Finally, I recognized who she was, it was Julia.
"I don't need these! I don't need anything! Go away! Nobody loves me! GO AWAY!" I raised her voice at her as I threw the umbrella in the middle of the street. Her eyes began to fill up as she watched me shout at her kindness. She ran away again crying in the rain. Every time I see her, she cries - every single time.
Years later, I asked my dad to forgive me and finally I got a job and mind you that I'm the vice-president of the company. I got engaged to a woman named Mary Ann. She's really smart, successful and most of all, she loves me. We planned for our wedding day six days from now, she looked so happy when I bought her the wedding dress she's been nagging me, also the expensive ring she saw on one of the catalogues and the house her friend told her about. One night, I was brushing my teeth and I found Mary Ann's mobile on the sofa, she must've left it, but to my surprise I opened it and saw that it was filled with messages from guys who came from nowhere. Mary Ann has been cheating on me all this time. I got frustrated to know that the girl I'm gonna spend my life with is seeing other guys.
I went to my car and just drove back to my family. I went to my old university and reminisced the past when I was just a bad boy looking for some fun. I went to the roof top and saw a silhouette of woman looking at the stars. I slowly looked at her and tapped her shoulders. You guessed who she was, yes, it's Julia, looking above the clouds and drifting into her own little world.
"You're crying again.." She looked at me eye to eye. "Come here, Eric. I understand you." She offered me her arms and smiled at me. It was like nothing really mattered to her even when I shouted at her a lot of times, almost tore her whole being apart.
"NO! You don't understand me! You don't know how painful it is to be taken for granted by the one you love! You have no idea how hard it is to be perfect for that person!" I screamed at her once more. I was in rage and I didn't know what I was saying.
She dropped into her knees and looked at me, "Yes, I do, Eric. I've felt it all my life. You always scream at me and hurt me yet here I am proving you that I'm always here for you. I love you since the first time I saw you but you threw me away.. you always do.." her eyes were inflated with tears, something I don't want to look at anymore.
She ran away again and left me alone in the roof top of the old building. I'm tired of seeing her hurt like that. I'm tired of pushing Julia away. I'm tired of taking her for granted. For once in my life, I realized that the one person who will love me forever was just in front of me. I don't want Julia to leave me again.
The next day, I planned to meet Julia but I don't know where to start. I planned to propose to her that day. I bought a bouquet of white roses and a very expensive silver ring but I know she deserved more than those. I asked my secretary to call her up and told her to wait in the roof top of our university. I begged God to help Julia find her way back to me. Finally my secretary told me that she reached Julia's number and that Julia agreed to meet me.
I was so excited that I went straight to my car and rushed to the road. I was very agitated until I realized that I forgot the bouquet flowers in my house. To my frustration I made a U-turn on a one way road and all I remembered was a deadly crash. I could see the doctors gathering before me and I could see Julia smiling in one corner of the room but her smile was different it's like something I could never see again and finally I lost my consciousness.
Three days later, I woke up in the hospital bed and I saw the golden box on the table. I reached for it as hard as I could, I opened it and saw the love letters Julia slipped into my locker years back, the handkerchief she offered me and a broken shaft of the umbrella she used, and finally, the ring I was supposed to give her but to my surprise it was broken. I asked the doctor what happened to me.
"Your operation was successful. You crashed into another car and went tumbling on the road and the broken glass went straight into your chest, moreover, your heart and it was a miracle that you survived that day, thanks to the woman who hid herself by the name of "Paper Rose," she donated her heart just to save you." The doctor said in a serious tone.
I cried upon hearing the news knowing that Julia still loved me despite the times I took her for granted and the tears I made her shed. I cried because I'll always have her heart but I will never see her again. I cried because I missed the one chance for her and me to be happy yet she smiled the last time I saw her. I cried because after I've known the person who really loved me, disappeared before I even had the chance to tell her I love her. I cried because I want to make up every single mistake I did to her. I cried because I never knew I was deeply in-love with her all this time.
